a different path

An overgrown path at beautiful Wollerton Old Hall in Shropshire, taken a couple of years ago. We have visited this magical garden many times, but on this occasion the path had been edged with giant catmint... as you can see it was planted too close to the edge and had grown right across the soft old bricks, making it impossible to navigate. Hopefully you'll see why I chose the photo to illustrate this post...

I have been doing a lot of thinking, and the end result is that I have decided not to take a stall at any craft fairs this autumn. I have many ideas for new things to sell, lots of bags made up, and several bolts of fabrics ready to make new bags. But there is a big BUT... to pursue this path at this time would require a lot of time spent at the sewing machine, whizzing and whirring and getting a headache under the anglepoise lamp. The result would be lots of pretty things to offer for sale. But it would also, I have realised, be yet another thing that would hijack my true creative process and prevent me from following my plan to experiment with drawing, painting and fabric samples and developing my own significant, original art work. There is a definite clash between the two strands of work that I haven't yet been able to fuse together.

It is interesting how things, thoughts and actions lead us to other paths and beginnings and then may themselves become dormant or redundant...

The year I started this blog, I had a very strong need to rejoin the art and craft community after many years 'out', and my initial route in was through making shopping bags in pretty cotton fabrics - I saw a gap in the market, at least here in the north-west of England, and became energised by using my creative talents in this way. Five years ago I had a similar experience with hand-made cards, and interestingly, with both of these initiatives I have found myself trailing off for the same reason: although my ideas and products are good, I find that other people can make beautiful items as ethical, desirable, and well-made as mine and sell them for less.

In addition, the cards and bags have shown me that I don't enjoy long periods of repetitive work - I feel like I'm in my own personal sweatshop hell. I've no objection to working slowly on something with the radio on, but too much machining, folding and sticking, making hundreds of something, I find soul-destroying.

But more than that, I feel the need to quiet my inner entrepreneur, the bossy voice inside that is always having bright ideas about publicity and doing little sums on scraps of paper, turning every creative domestic endeavour into a shiny business plan. In truth, I frequently find this voice very alluring, but it completely drowns out the quiet, thoughtful voice that also speaks to me about experiments, questions, painting, drawing, poetry, shape, line and form, that travels with no particular destination in mind. This voice is soft and shy and quickly retreats when the other voice starts shouting.

But, I don't want it to be bullied anymore. I want to be brave and go forward in a different way, to resist the temptation to browse craft books or Flickr and funnel my creative energy into a watered-down version of what others are doing. I have this notion that I'll 'stamp my own personality' on basic shared ideas like bags or hanging hearts, but really I think all that happens is my own creative personality isn't fed and so wastes away.

This way is much harder, of course, for lots of reasons. I might sit in front of an empty piece of paper or cloth and not know what to do. I might have less to show here on the blog. It means I won't have very much income from my work, and that I may not receive as much affirmation for my work through sales and positive feedback. Yet, I suspect that ultimately this path may lead me to a place where I actually need less affirmation because I know that what I am doing is good.

Another path at Wollerton in a different part of the garden. Intriguing, inviting, leading to somewhere new...